I've been meaning to blog for some time now. There has been a number of happy, angry and upset moments. But once theyve past i cant feel and describe it again.

Its been a tough day and im tired.

I know how it feels to feel damaged, used and something disgusting. THE BAD APPLE. Even to the point where i didnt want to be myself. I didnt want to believe it. As if everything was a dream. It was probably the hardest time in my life. They say love can heal you and i guess it does. It makes you feel wanted, special, appreciated ... happy. But who knew people still thought of me as i once did. Love took it away and then it brought it back. How can i have the confidence to see myself differently if the people i love see me that way.

Lifes unfair because i never wanted things to happen, was too weak to stop things and now i have to live with the consequences. I end up making others suffer and i end up hurting myself.

Im sorry if i couldnt be who you want me to be, who i want to be.

Sometimes i cant explain everything, i cant share everything. Cause somethings come through experience. Sometimes i still feel lonely.

Despite everything i still hope for things to get better. To find solutions. To be stronger. To be trusted. To be with the people i love and see then happy.

OMG IM GETTING FAT.

- cindy .